What would you do if you were faced with this situation? (Details below. Sorry it’s so long.)

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“My dad’s still in the hospital but the doctors say his kidneys are stable as of yesterday. Here is my dilemma… My dad wants to sign himself out against medical advice (AMA) He says if i dont get him out of there he will crawl out Monday. I dont blame him, however on one side a cat scan shows (the doctor thinks) my dad had a mini stroke when he was home. He wants to run some more tests. My dad can not eat because everything burns his esophagus. He swallows water and ice just fine. Its not a swallowing problem. He hasn’t eaten since December 31st and the dr wont give him nutrients through the IV because of his kidneys. I managed to get him to eat a yogurt and half of a nutrient filled fruit drink. For about two weeks he hasn’t been able to walk. About a week he can’t stand. I am working on helping him sit and stand right now. If he comes home I don’t have the confidence in myself that I could care correctly for his chest catheter they put in for dialysis or the wound on his foot. I fear what if he falls out of bed being so weak still. On the other hand… I fear leaving him in the care of the hospital when I’m not there. So far I have caught 2 MAJOR mistakes 1 being another patients name on my dad’s medicine (yes I checked the medicine was correct, just the patient was mixed up) and another time the nurse swore my dad had his oxygen on after he came back from a procedure. It didn’t look on to me. She said no it’s on. I said okay?…. Then she actually checked to see if it was on and IT WAS TURNED OFF! I don’t know how long he was with out the oxygen! It caught my attention because his o2 numbers on the blood pressure machine was beeping and I noticed it beeped everytime it went below 90! They didnt catch the beep OR the oxygen being off! Yesterday when I went to see him (I was able to go an hour and a half after a phone call from the dr.) He sat in poop for an hour THAT I KNOW OF! Then his nurse lied to me saying she just checked him and changed him when he was sitting in the chair 45 mins before I showed up and he was fine. She did not know that THAT was the reason why the doctor called me… Because dad was refusing to sit in the chair for him…. I spoke to the Dr AFTER the chair and an hour and a half BEFORE I got there! She did not have him checked and tended to while in the chair 45 mins prior because then WHY would the Dr call me saying he is refusing to sit in a chair and he can’t release him till he does! Grrrrr! What would you do…. Try to convince him to stay? Or be his ride home on his own AMA? How do you tell your parent no? And yet how do I feel he is in the best care at this negligent hospital!? I’m so torn!

Answers:

That’s a tough one, YinPersonally, I never had to parent my parents—and quite frankly, I probably would not have been able to do so successfully on my own due to the dynamics in my nuclear family before I left for college.It’s important to have options. Would a transfer to another hospital for treatment be possible?Beyond that, I fear I have no useful advice.If you have a few minutes to stop thinking about it, asking JC to help you arrange your thoughts in an approppriate way for evaluation usually works well for me.

“I think you need to speak privately to your father’s doctor and tell him exactly what you’ve told us.Β  Tell him that you feel compelled to report the nurse’s negligence, and ask for his help in relocating your dad.

“If you don’t have a POA (Durable Power of Attorney) then there isn’t a lot you can do on their behalf.I went through this with both my father and just recently with my Father-in-Law. The problem is they get to the point where they still think they are fully cognitive and capable of making decisions regarding their own health and finances. It is important to for these discussion to happen long before you get to a point where you end up having to fight for ability to help your parent. Currently, my Mother-in-Law has a nurse come in to check on her once a day. To get her up, and start the day, but my wife and I have to take care of her finances and get her to doctor’s visits and grocery shop (for prepared foods because she can barely run a microwave). This is not the best place to be in but you will make it through. If anything it has shown my wife and I that we need to have things in place long before we get to that point in our lives for our children.

Good answers here i will pray for u

Yin, I am so sorry you and your family are dealing with this. If possible I would look for another facility. Either an assisted living facility or another hospital. Some place you can get a second opinion, and care you don’t need to worry if they are doing everything right. Prayers for you, your father, and your family. ((((HUGS))))

“You have to be your dad’s protector, in all ways. If you don’t feel you can do something find another way to do it. My beloved wife was in the hospital in a drug induced coma for 32 days. I was there every day 08:00 a.m. To 11:00 p.m. . I witnessed several errors in myΒ  opinion the first two weeks and I wrote a very strong letter to the Hospital Administrator. I won’t go in to all the details but they corrected many things and straightened out many people. I am normally a mellow man but I was her only advocate and I made sure no one messed with her.

“You have to be your dad’s protector, in all ways. If you don’t feel you can do something find another way to do it. My beloved wife was in the hospital in a drug induced coma for 32 days. I was there every day 08:00 a.m. To 11:00 p.m. . I witnessed several errors in myΒ  opinion the first two weeks and I wrote a very strong letter to the Hospital Administrator. I won’t go in to all the details but they corrected many things and straightened out many people. I am normally a mellow man but I was her only advocate and I made sure no one messed with her.

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